After going through the peer conferencing on Friday about my personal essay, I have given some thought on some things I would like to change and work with towards my second draft. Both Mandi and Bobby thought that an interesting part of my paper was when I was describing the events up until the scuba diving actually began. Bobby thought that at times I just told the reader what was going on without explaining what exactly was going on which would lead to the reader being confused on what was going on and may cause disinterest. Mandi pointed out that in the first paragraph I need to clarify whether or not my nerves were keeping me up.
After reading what they had to comment on, I feel that I need to elaborate more through my experience of scuba diving so that I do not confuse or lose the reader and clarify in the beginning what my nerves were doing to me. I need to make sure that I keep the clarity of the significance of my paper and make sure I am doing the right amount of self inquiry so that I can re-discover things about my experience of getting certified in scuba diving that I may have forgotten about. I also need to make sure that when I do elaborate and expand my paper that I don’t end up making my work seem murky or over elaborate and detract from the overall goal that I wish to achieve, which is helping the reader understand and visualize what it is like to scuba dive and imagine they are diving as well.
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